Once upon a time, society believed that the earth was flat and the centre of the universe; that women were inferior to men; that the colour of our skin was a measure of our worth; that if you ate meat on Friday, you were a sinner dammed to hell for eternity.
Today, society will have us believe that enjoying your sexuality and indulging your lustful desires makes you an immoral and obscene individual. The degree to which this ideology is enforced upon us differs between cultures. While one will have you believe that sex is only for reproductive purposes between a man and his wife, others will accept premarital sex as a part of modern life yet hold steadfast to the conviction that having sexual desires for someone other than your partner makes you indecent, immoral and even dishonourable.
A dishonour or disgrace to what?
To the societally set standards of what constitutes a ‘good person’:
– Someone who doesn’t lie.
– Someone who never voices their discontent.
– Someone who makes ‘responsible’ decisions to never skip school, go to university and
work 40hrs/wk, 50wks/year till they can retire at age 65.
– Someone who denies their sexual urges even when their partner has come to neglect
All these standards we must abide by to be deemed ‘good’. Why is it that the more we live in self-denial the ‘better’ we’re regarded by society?
Did all of Bill Clinton’s hard work, service to his country, love for his wife and family all turn to unworthy dust the moment he cheated?
What about Tiger Woods, Kristen Stewart, Ashton Kutcher etc?
Who here can say they’ve never lied? Who here can say that lying has never helped their situation or paid off? Who can say that because they have lied, they’re no longer worthy of being considered a ‘good person’?
We all lie- from the priest, to the politician, to the 3 year old who’s afraid he’ll get a spanking if he tells the truth.
So, if we concede that we all lie sometimes, why are we still so intent on pointing the finger whilst pretending to be complete saints?
Everyone lies, and according to 2012 studies, 57% of men and 54% of women ADMIT to infidelity in at least one of their relationships. Further 74% of men and 68% say they’d follow-through with their desires for sex with another if they’d never get caught (www.statisticbrain.com).
So, let’s get real for a minute. We all lie, we all have sexual urges irrespective of our relationship status. The vast majority of us would indulge that sexual desire to touch another if our partner would never find out. So why do we still live in a society where we are shamed for what’s branded ‘infidelity’?
Is infidelity, not just another standard we are encouraged to uphold and shamed for failing to uphold when caught?
Could it be that what’s wrong with ‘Cheating’ is the fact that the so called ‘victim’ responds to news of it by succumbing to extreme insecurity, anger and jealousy rather than logically acknowledging the underlying reasons and resolving them?
Could it be that what’s wrong is that we’re still another 20-30 years away from having the emotional intelligence to realise that when someone ‘cheats’ it doesn’t mean that we’re no longer worthy human-beings, or that the ‘perpetrator’ did it with any intention of hurting you or your ego? Until then, the vast majority of us will feel the need to either shamefully suppress the desire stemming from unmet needs or boldly go after what we want while with enough subtlety to ensure our partner never finds out.
How much better would life be if we all pulled our heads out of our own asses and planted our feet back on the ground? What if we stopped being so self-righteous? What if we stopped being hypocrites and admitted that we’re human with needs, desires and urges we sometimes WANT to succumb to without hurting anyone?
How’s it possible to get through with attaining this gratification without hurting anyone?
Simple- you make sure you don’t get caught.