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Your Unforbidden Fear of Admission

By February 23, 2013 November 5th, 2016 No Comments

When it comes to the topic of cheating, we always hear about how horrible and immoral the perpetrator must be to inflict such hurt on their partner, as though that was their aim.

Society has engraved in us the misconception that seeking sexual or emotional gratification outside of our conventional relationship (whether serious or not) makes us immoral. This is most evident in the title assigned: ‘Cheating’.

Why wasn’t it called ‘Quenching’ or ‘Seeking’?

The act of searching for answers or fulfillment of otherwise unmet needs has been vilified and made exclusively synonymous with deception and betrayal. As such, those who commit it are wrongfully portrayed as immoral, greedy, low-life scum who intentionally hurt their partners.

On the other hand, their partner’s are not, in the least bit, recognized as a partial cause for their mate’s unquenched needs or temptation to stray. Quiet reminiscent of the Holy Jesus Christ, who was sold out by one of his disciples, the image depicted of the partner is virtually glorified as the innocent victim who gave everything but was wrongfully and purposely betrayed.

There exists a widespread misconception that ‘cheaters’ are ungrateful individuals who lack appreciation for their all-giving, all-dedicated and loving partners when, more often than not, the case is far from.

The fact of the matter is, the search for the one who’ll accept you with open arms and love you for who you are rarely comes to avail in the first 90% of our relationships. One of the most commonly reported sentiments amongst those who ‘cheat’ is a lack of appreciation for their presence in the relationship.

We all ultimately seek to be better off in life and when out partner fails to reciprocate the prioritization of our needs we must put ourselves first. This is absolutely healthy.

With the all-righteous minority constantly pointing the finger and judging under the false assumption that they have all the details, it’s no wonder that the majority of us who find ourselves straying, do so in fear. A fear of societal condemnation that leaves us ashamed of our feelings, and hesitant to ask for words of wisdom from others who’ve been-there-done-that.

The entire ideology that we must live in denial of our wants and put others before us must be shed, for putting yourself first is not synonymous with seeking to hurt others. The guilt that’s aroused in us for pursuing what may be in our best interest is nothing more than a product of the beliefs of those who fear change, the reality of human desires and ultimately progression.

To go about our lives, hiding out of undue shame, or fear that society will judge or label us as ‘immoral’ will only perpetuate the injustice inflicted on the so-called ‘cheaters’. Life is about more than adhering to the rules, staying between the lines, or thinking INSIDE the box. Be bold, stay true to your convictions and fight for your right to live a life of curiosity and fulfillment.

Over 50% of men and woman surveyed in 2012 admitted that they’ve strayed in at least one relationship. Over 70% said they’d seek more outside their conventional relationships if they could guarantee never getting caught. That means that almost 20% of people deny their most honest desires for something more out of fear. Fear of hurting their partner, losing their partner, or simply the loss of respect from the minority who dictate that the ‘good’ and ‘honorable’ stay-put and never allow their eyes to wonder.

In the endless and unnecessary battle where me must choose between prestige and respect and the right to wonder if we could be happier under different circumstances, ‘act boldly and mighty forces will come to your aid’- Basil King.

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Marleen M Mour

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