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Do you want to be Good, or Happy?

By January 23, 2013 November 5th, 2016 No Comments

When we enter into relationships the person we are, at that point in time, is the person our partner knows, loves and wants to share a life with. To assume that the person we are today will be exactly the same as the person we’ll be tomorrow is naïve and unrealistic.

The only constant in life is change. Nothing stays the same forever; No one stays the same forever. Those who learn from their mistakes, improve and grow with the times are those with their eyes open. Those who fight change, desperately cling to their dated beliefs and even try enforcing them on others are the blind who get left behind.

Survival of the fittest isn’t about physical ability to overpower. It’s about Adaptability- fitting changed circumstances – learning, growing and ultimately evolving into a wiser and happier you.

I’ve been in the relationship where saying ‘I love chocolate’ meant I couldn’t later have a change in preference without being accused of having lied about my love for chocolate and my partner. I know what it’s like to feel like your personal growth and development is not accepted or liked by your once admiring man.

The fact of the matter is, each relationship has its purpose, lesson and season. When all the lessons have been learnt and you find yourself dreading your return home because it’s where you feel inadequate, unloved, neglected, and unwelcome, what do you do? How empowered do you feel when you’ve been drained of all emotion and positivity till you’re practically dead inside?

Relationships are great when they build us up and support us in our growth and development through life. Those are the relationships to hold onto, dedicate your love, attention and loyalty to. But all too often, the relationships we find ourselves in end up doing the opposite. Holding us back, putting us down, leaving us unsatisfied. Is this the relationship to commit to? Does staying and not straying make you a ‘good person’?? Adhering to the limitations and expectations of a relationship when it continuously fails to meet your needs is like locking yourself up in prison. You feel trapped and powerless.

The smart thing to do is identify whether it’s time for you to leave and move on. But after spending months or years in a somewhat immobilizing relationship (especially if you’ve grown distant to friends throughout), it’s hard to sort through your thoughts and feelings to confidently come to a solid resolution. You just know you’re unhappy and want change. You wonder if you’ll ever find someone who’ll appreciated the person you’ve become or if you’ll be doomed to a life of loneliness and the eventual realization that perhaps you should’ve stayed.

This is the point at which we find ourselves both vulnerable and in search of something more. When that stranger or familiar face shows an interest and admiration for the new person you are, does contemplating a potential relationship/ new beginning with them make you an immoral person?

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